I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize