Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
