it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
