this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
