I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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