Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
