sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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