everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
