my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
