Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
