hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
