I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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