Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
