Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
