I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Acid is not a monday night drug
nutella sex= disaster
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
this hospital has no fireball
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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