Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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