True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
smell my finger.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
