I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
