I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
