Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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