Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im holly from the hills drunk
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
