she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
