STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
