You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
