"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You can't just leave with hair like that
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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