saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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