SEEEEXXX PLEASE
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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