You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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