Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
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remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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