Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
