you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
