i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
