You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize