Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
