Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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