People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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