I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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