Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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