my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
