i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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