Please, let me fuck your mom
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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