road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
