So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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