i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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