a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
