Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
