he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
