I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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