I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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