does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
