girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
