you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
