We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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