you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
