what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
