I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
