I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
