How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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