I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
