She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
