Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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