I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
