you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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