i permit you to call me
I can tuck mytits in my pants
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
