I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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