2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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