Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize