Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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