i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
my liver is dry heaving
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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