I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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