The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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