Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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