If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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