So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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